First Love
by thenerdycorgi
Summary: A drabble where big brother Jae-ha tells the story of the first man he ever loved. Warnings include: sex mention and gay sex, because my headcanon says Jae-ha is wildly bisexual.


It was late in the evening, and two of the dragons were spreading blankets and settling down for the night. Yun was meant to sleep in the other tent with Yona tonight, but he helped make sure the others were comfortable first, and then decided to stay and talk with them.

When Hak returned to their tent, he brought Jae-ha with him. The green dragon had disappeared a couple of hours ago and the rest of them had wondered where to. But when Ki-ja asked him, he only shrugged and said, "Nowhere."

"You do not just go nowhere for two hours," Ki-ja muttered, irritated.

"Hm," Jae-ha smirked at him, "Maybe I was in town with a pretty lady."

Ki-ja huffed and took his spot between Jae-ha and Shin-ah. "I doubt it," he said, "You know, for all of your talk, I am not even sure you have ever been with a woman."

"Sure I have," Jae-ha said, and in one of his rare moments of transparency he added, "Probably not as many as I'd like to claim…but there've been a few. Maybe a dozen, or so."

Hak snorted and reached over to nudge him, almost playfully. But then the young general shifted and raised himself a bit to look up at Jae-ha, sitting beside him.

"I have a question then," he said seriously.

"OK," Jae-ha said.

"But you don't have to answer it," Hak added.

"I'll answer anything," Jae-ha assured him.

Shin-ah was facing them now, listening. And Yun had been about to return to Yona, but he at least wanted to hear Hak's question.

"Have you ever been with a man?" Hak asked.

The others tensed a bit, but Jae-ha nodded and answered him, "Yes."

"Really?" Yun asked.

"Sure," Jae-ha said, as if there were nothing to it. "But only three. I do prefer women. But if the right man asks…"

He emphasized the word 'right' and his violet eyes settled on Hak.

Hak glared at him and said firmly, "Don't look at me when you say that."

Jae-ha laughed and then turned to Yun, who still looked a bit perplexed.

"It's all basically the same," he said.

"Did you love any of them?" Ki-ja asked, curious now. He was always confused as to how Jae-ha seemed to so effortlessly fall in and out of relationships. Ki-ja had always believed that you had to be in love with a person before you could commit to them.

"Well," Jae-ha thought for a minute, "Two of them were nothing, really. Physically intimate, sure, but it didn't mean anything."

"And the third one?" Yun asked.

"The first one, you mean," Jae-ha said, and his smile seemed to turn somewhat sad, "I did then. I probably still do. Although I haven't seen him about five years."

"Why?" Yun asked.

"What happened?" Ki-ja frowned.

"I'm not…sure this is an appropriate story for the young ones," Jae-ha turned to Hak.

Hak shrugged. "Ki-ja's older than me," he reminded him.

"You know what I mean," the green dragon hissed.

"I want to hear this story," Yun said.

"Me too," Ki-ja chimed in.

"Shin-ah wants to hear it too," Yun pointed out.

The silent blue dragon nodded. Even the squirrel was leaning forward on his shoulder. She uttered a quiet but fervent, "Pukyuu!"

"Alright, alright," Jae-ha sighed and motioned for them to come closer.

So Yun, Hak, and the other dragons gathered around their big brother and listened to the tale of the first man he ever loved.

/ _I was about nineteen when I first met him. It's strange that we never met until that point, however. I'd already been in Awa for over five years. And his father was a merchant in the city. He owned two ships at the port and they ran a trade route with the northern and southern tips of Kouka. His family, his mother and two sisters, lived in the town, and he sailed on one of his father's ships._

 _It was summer, and Toku and I were teaching some of the younger boys to swim. We spent the day on the docks, splashing and hollering and just generally being a nuisance to everyone else, as usual. It was when they were loading cargo onto one of their ships, and one of the men who sailed with his father shouted at Toku and I to stop playing around and start acting our age._

 _I looked up to make some snide comment, and when the man boarded the ship, the boy was standing there, holding a crate and staring at me._

 _His name was Okarin. But I wouldn't learn that until later._

 _I only caught a flash of green in his eyes before he followed the man. I didn't see him again for almost a month._

 _Yan Kum-ji had been in power for awhile now, and his influence was already being felt. Young girls weren't yet afraid to go outside their homes, but merchants and other workers were finding it difficult to scrape by with whatever the officials didn't tax or outright steal from them. Most of us had to go without. Or find other ways._

 _That night, Maya got caught stealing bread by two boys from the city. They were closer to my age than his and bigger than both of us, so I'm afraid of what they might have done to him if I wasn't there. But to tell the truth, I don't think I was the one who won that fight. Because sometime during the scuffle, someone else joined in. I almost lashed out at him as well, until I realized he was fighting with me. And after enough blows were exchanged to run the two off, I finally looked at him and recognized him._

 _This was the boy I'd seen on the docks. Only now I could see he wasn't so much a boy but a young man. He was about two years older than me, in fact, and he was looking back at me with those same green eyes. His hair was pale but his skin was darkened from his time at sea. He was a head taller than me at the time, and he towered over Maya, but neither of us were afraid of him. I couldn't even look away._

 _The only thing I could think to do was hold out one hand to him, and the only word I could get out was, "Jae-ha."_

 _He smiled as he took my hand and replied simply, "Okarin."_

 _We were together nearly all the time after that. I think he always knew that Maya and I were pirates but he never asked me about it. It didn't seem to bother him. Not when he was helping me teach the boys to swim, not when we fished off the bow of his father's ship, and not when we would sneak across town at night to drink or smoke with some older boys I knew. But he did seem to look at me differently. And speak to me differently. It was another two months before I found out why._

 _One night when we were both restless and seeking company besides our shipmates, we found our way to one of the brothels on the outskirts of town. It was a few hours later, afterwards, when we were walking back to the wharf. He was very quiet so I asked him if everything was ok._

" _Did they give you one of the new girls?" I asked, half-joking, "Didn't really know her way around?"_

" _No, the girl was fine," he said. And he was silent for another moment before adding, "But…to tell the truth, the whole time, I was…thinking of you…"_

 _I just stared at him. I didn't know what to say. I'd never known a man who felt that way about me before._

 _Embarrassed, he mumbled quickly, "I'm sorry…I didn't mean – I don't know if you're even…I don't want to make you uncomfortable or anything, I just…"_

" _No," I said when I finally found my voice, "I've just never done that…but I could."_

 _He looked at me like I had validated his very existence. Was his love for me that strong? Or was this a secret he'd been keeping much longer than two months? I don't know. I don't suppose I ever will._

 _But we didn't go home that night._

 _For nine months we loved each other in secret places we found all around the city. As it turns out, Okarin was my first but I was not his. And I was always very grateful for his gentleness and patience, and for the things he taught me._

 _For nine months we would both come and go from the port, him sailing on his father's trade route and me fighting Yan Kum-ji's officials to protect the people of Awa. One of those people was Okarin, so it was worth it._

 _For nine months we still watched the city decline, the people turn fearful, the merchants struggle and then one by one begin to leave._

 _With taxes higher than ever, Okarin's father could no longer afford to remain in Awa port. Many of his sailors had left the city or become pirates themselves. His wife and daughters could barely find enough food. Okarin told me they were leaving…_ /

"They sailed all the way around the cape," Jae-ha said, "to start a new route on the other coast of Kouka. I told him not to forget about me. He said he never could. And…that's all. I haven't seen him since."

"Uuuwaaaaaaah!" both Yun and Ki-ja burst into tears, startling Hak, Ao, and even Jae-ha himself.

"That's so unfair!" Yun cried, hiccupping pitifully.

"I am so sorry, Jae-ha!" Ki-ja whimpered and wiped at his tears with his sleeve.

"Huh?" Jae-ha said, "But you said you wanted to hear the story!"

"You didn't say it was gonna be sad!" Yun growled at him.

"Well, I didn't realize I needed a disclaimer," Jae-ha said.

"Get it together, you two," Hak said, rolling onto his other side, "It's time for bed now."

Shin-ah had already settled into his spot. Ki-ja continued to sniffle even as he curled up under his blanket. Yun took long enough to calm himself and wipe the tears away before telling them to get some sleep and returning to Yona's tent. When everything was still and quiet, and the two other dragons were soundly asleep, Jae-ha looked over at Hak because he knew he was still awake.

"Did you ask because you already knew?" he whispered.

"I asked so you could answer," Hak whispered back.

Jae-ha could tell that wasn't all so he waited silently.

"Now you know," Hak finally told him, "We don't mind that any more than your dragon power."

Jae-ha smiled softly. He wanted to say thank you, but knew that Hak wouldn't want to hear it.


End file.
